There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize