last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
