I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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