Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
