when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just sent this text using only my big toe
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
