I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
