if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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