My hair reeks of homosexuality.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
