I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
