because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
