I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
