In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
