After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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