Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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