He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
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He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
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coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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