I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
