oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
