just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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