Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
