the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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