i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
