I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
