Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
