im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
