I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
