He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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