She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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