This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize