I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
