I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
