I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
