Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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