I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
