I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
