Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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