it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
