she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
