Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
