Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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