we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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