it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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