Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
