We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
