every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
