I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
