if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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