so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
