oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
