Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
