yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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