You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
