What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
