I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
