so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
