"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
