I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
