You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
