i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
