So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
