nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
