its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
