i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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