i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
