He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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