1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
