I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
