I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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