Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He has the fingertips of a God
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
