I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
