me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
