dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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