Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
