just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
