i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
