cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
