i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
