dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have already put on my inside pants.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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