Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
