the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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