oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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