I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
