I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
