i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Don't EVER smell your tampon
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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